Alcohol Accessorized

As if its magical powers weren’t enough to keep people buying, alcohol is backed by marketers who shower bar owners and consumers with logo-addled novelties—call them “drink enhancers,” for lack of a more honest term. Some bar owners are satisfied with light-up beer signs and tap handles, but others go further, often drawing on their own collections to quirk up their establishments and/or displaying evidence that liquor companies are trying way too hard. The A.V. Club rounded up some of the more conspicuous displays, accessories, and doo-dads displayed in local bars and tried to figure out what they’re good for.


Tap Machine
Where: The Klinic
What: An almost military-looking device used for serving Jägermeister. Its square-ish, metallic body and the three bottles of Jäger make it look like some kind of artillery device.
The point: The machine was originally devised to keep Jägermeister cold without having to hide it in a freezer. The liquor’s stag logo is blown up in orange on the front of the machine, spreading a kind of animalistic courage that should boost the emboldening effects of alcohol. Or just brand awareness. The kids love Jäger so much nowadays that it’s probably impossible to push the promos too hard. (Jägermeister’s website also features Jägermeister Racing, the Jägermeister Music Tour, Jäger stag-head pewter shot glasses, Jägermeister pool cues, and more.)
520 S. Park St. 257-4020

Stripper pole
Where:The Klinic
What: Self-explanatory.
The point: Drunk people need something to do, and ways to get free drinks, both of which tempt some Klinic patrons to do usually tame stripper acts. “Even the girls like to watch girls dance,” owner Mike Meier says. “Sometimes guys get up there, too.”

Stained-glass window lurking behind bar
Where: King Club
What: King Club manager Tristan Gallagher isn’t positive, but he’s pretty sure it came from a church in Platteville that was demolished in the 1960s. A little Internet research reveals the symbol in the window is that of St. Ignatius Loyola. Before he became saintly, Ignatius was known to gamble, womanize, and get involved in swordplay, all of which presumably involved some drinking, so it’s not as incongruous as you might think.
The point: It does all the colorful work of 10 beer signs, without running up the electric bill. And it reminds you that whatever you do at the bar, or later, a saint did it first.
114 King St. 251-5464

Portraits of sad big-eyed children on bathroom door
Where: King Club
What: Gallagher claims King Club owner Lisa Gallagher (his wife) collects, well, sad, big-eyed children. “It’s that bad, kitschy art from the ’60s and ’70s—not much better than dogs playing poker,” Tristan Gallagher says.
The point: What’s wrong with a little creepiness?

A larger-than-life, blinking can of Sparks
Where: Majestic Theatre/Club Majestic
What: The Sparks can is marked like a battery, with “+” and “-” ends, and this is a big, plastic replica with a blinking light inside it.
The point: Energy drinks are hot now, but they could just as easily fade if people start paying attention to the taste. And energy drinks with alcohol in them might have an even tougher time in the long run. So why not embrace the garishness of their uncertain reign?
115 King St. 251-2582

Blatz and Pabst figurines
Where: The Old Fashioned
What: One figurine is a man ice skating with his Blatz; another steps into the boxing ring with his Pabst Blue Ribbon. The figurines probably date back to the ’50s or ’60s.
The point: To remind you of the days when beer was… quaint? Welcome in athletic situations?
23 N. Pinckney St. 310-4545 — Scott Gordon